considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
