Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
