just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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