i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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