if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize