She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
