so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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