I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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