i think i have herpe
just one?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
