What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
