he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We have started to decorate penises.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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