I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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