You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
