Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
