in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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