What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
