I'm sorry my penis didn't work
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
