I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
