I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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