Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize