Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
