theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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