At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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