ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
