this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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