all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize