Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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