I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
