The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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