i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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