I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you inspire me to be a worse person
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
