It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
