just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
