I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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