I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
