A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
organizing the empties. That sober.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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