is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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