I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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