Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
