She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
