just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
