he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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