How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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