Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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