I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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