i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I believe in your delicious
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
