I need help removing her.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize