Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
