omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
