Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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