Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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