Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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