Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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