Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
