Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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