i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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