Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
