Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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