You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The air was thick with penises
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
