I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
